A Real Apology

“I’m sorry.  – There, I said it.  Now it’s up to you to forgive me.”

This is the typical scenario I’ve seen played out in my family for as long as I can remember.  The offender says or does something wrong, and then expects the person they hurt to just get over it and let it go.  Often there is no apology at all.  The expectation is that after some period of time, both the offender and the victim must pretend the event never happened, and go back to “normal”.

What a horrible way to live.  First, the offender isn’t sorry.  Not really.  Often, they don’t feel any remorse or regret for what they’ve done.  They might even think they were justified in their actions.  By saying “I’m sorry,” they aren’t really apologizing.  What they’re really saying is, “You’re going to just have to get over it and pretend like it didn’t happen.”

These insincere apologies only worsen the problem:

1. It puts all of the work of forgiveness and reconciliation – all of the “getting over it” – on the person who was hurt.  The offender gets the easy part – saying two words.  The victim has the difficult job of overcoming the hurt.
2. The offender is not really sorry and therefore is NOT going to change their behavior - making future recurrences likely.  The offender makes no effort to improve.
3. The victim has to “pretend” thinks are OK, which does not solve the issue, improve the relationship, or heal the wound. 

A REAL apology comes from the heart, and has some meaningful, live-improving characteristics:

1. The offender feels remorse for the wrong they have done.  It’s not just knowing they did wrong – they feel bad about doing wrong.
2. The offender will work to improve and not repeat their wrongdoings in the future.  If they truly feel bad about what they’ve done, they’ll make a serious effort not to do it again.
3. The offender sincerely apologizes.  Not just “I’m sorry, now get over it.”  It is a heartfelt apology from a person who sincerely wants to reconcile.
4. The offender understands that the hurt they’ve caused may take time to heal.  Pretending everything is fine will not work.  The offender needs to cultivate a real, meaningful, improved relationship with the person they hurt.

When we sin, we should repent sincerely, with a REAL apology.  We should feel bad about what we’ve done, and resolve ourselves to do better.  We must work to resist sin in the future and not repeat our folly.  If we are truly sincere when we ask God for forgiveness, we can set our minds at ease, knowing we are truly forgiven:

“Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord” – Acts 3:19